


Colours

by lobstergirl



Series: Of Darkness and Silence [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Kylux - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7069444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lobstergirl/pseuds/lobstergirl





	Colours

It must have happened overnight. Or maybe during the last twenty-four hours. Hux doesn’t remember the exact time he’s come back to his quarters last night, he barely remembers getting out of his uniform. Now he stands and looks at the small explosion of colours he has helped come into existence.

From his last away mission he has brought back a tiny sapling that has caught his attention because of its unusual shape. He decides on a whim to embark on a botanical experiment and for the next weeks sets portions of his meagre enough spare time aside for the optimisation of nutrient solution and the composition of potting soil, experiments with various degrees of exposure to both direct and indirect lighting. Under his ministration, the sapling grows into a miniature tree with a sturdy little stem and small branches. He researches miniature trees and begins to trim the branches, humming as he does it, and smiles when the first leaves appear.

And now, this. The stem’s colour has changed from an indifferent greyish brown to a warm, golden hue. The leaves are all shades of purple and pink, a bright, shiny patch amidst his bleak standard-issue furniture. And the blossoms? Tiny droplets of silvery white and icy blue crystals cascade from the thin, wiry twigs and dance across the purple and pink, translucent and sparkling.

It is more beautiful than anything Hux has ever seen and he stands, uniform jacket forgotten, and carefully touches the small thing that has surprised him so. He caresses the leaves and notices their structure has changed along with their colour. They were thin and smooth before. They’re still thin, but now there’s a soft feel to them. He digs for a word to properly label the new texture. Velvet. Yes, that’s it. Velvet. It’s been a very long time since he’s touched anything like it and it brings back memories of a time before… well, before. The blossoms feel surprisingly solid, however, and they tremble when his fingers leave them. For a moment he thinks he hears a soft chime, in fact, more like a tinkle, but that’s absurd, isn’t it?

Hux does the unthinkable. He delegates morning inspection to his colonel and sits down to look, examine and admire, and meticulously files each tiny detail and each individual shade of pink away, committing it all to his memory.

When he rises to put on his jacket and leave for the command centre, there’s an unfamiliar spring in his step.

 

The summons comes when he goes through the new guard recruit’s potential with Captain Rhou’fun. He looks up, surprised.

“The Supreme Leader wants to see me now?”

Lieutenant Owz nods, affirmative. “Room three-oh-four-zero.”

He hands the reader to Rhou’fun and makes his way along the corridors to the room which is located across from the larger official meeting room. It’s heavily guarded and used for confidential discussions and private audiences with Supreme Leader Snoke. Hux has been there many times before and doesn’t think twice when he opens the door and steps inside.

The moment he makes eye contact, he is Force-frozen in place. The humanoid, whose hologram is not as oversized as it used to be in the Starkiller’s audience room, stretches his lips into the travesty of a smile.

“You were missed during inspection this morning, General. What’s kept you?”

“I was going through the new unit’s drill schedule,” Hux lies without flinching, trying to keep his breathing under control. Not easy when one is held in an invisible grip.

“Mind if I take a look?”

Before Hux has a chance to answer – as if anything he may have to say right now is of interest – he feels the probing tentacles inside his mind. He hates the feeling, has always hated it. He doesn’t want anybody to poke around inside his head and when he feels one of the lesser ranks give it a try, he blanks his thoughts off and recites the troopers’ serial numbers until the unbidden intruder gives up. He can’t do it now. Snoke’s been inside his head plenty of times and would notice immediately if anything was amiss.

The tendrils of Snoke’s mind probe slither into each crevice, each corner, until they reach his blind spot, the section of his mind where he keeps his innermost thoughts and most precious memories. He feels the tendrils test the walls and sweat runs down his spine.

“Interesting,” the Supreme Leader murmurs. “Here’s a blank space. I wonder why I’ve never seen it before – ah.” He latches onto the one thing Hux hasn’t thought of shrouding yet. “A little side occupation. Hm. And what is this? You are _enjoying_ it, too?” The voice frosts over. “I had not thought you capable of joy, General. How very human you are after all.”

And just like that, the foreign presence in his head withdraws, as does the hold over his body. Only his iron self-discipline keeps Hux from slumping down with relief.

“I assure you, Supreme Leader, my duties have not suffered from neglect,” he says and hates how thin his voice sounds.

“Except for morning inspection, it would seem. It will undoubtedly cheer you up that I have chosen you to oversee the construction of a new and improved Starkiller Base. I am certain this task will save you from seeking distraction elsewhere.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Dismissed, General.”

“Thank you.”

He turns briskly on his heels but when he reaches the door, Snoke adds, as if on afterthought: “You are nothing and you own nothing, Hux. Never forget that.”

Hux doesn’t reply, just nods. He steps outside and leans against the opposite wall. His heart is thumping wildly in his chest, and not in a good way.

 

When he returns to his quarters late at night, he sees it at once.

There’s a charred stump where only this morning there was a symphony of pinks and crystal. Nothing else has been touched. There’s not even a scratch on the low cupboard’s surface. The message is clear. It underlines what Snoke has told him on his way out. _You are nothing and you own nothing_.

He takes off his gloves and unbuckles his belt. He hangs his uniform jacket up and bends down to remove his boots. Next comes the uniform shirt. It lands on the floor.

Then he walks across the room and looks down at his miniature tree. He remembers the soft little leaves and the chiming he thought he heard. He will not find out about that now, will he?

He doesn’t know what to do with the remains. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. Or what to make of that hollow feeling that spreads in his chest. It’s not pain. He knows pain. It’s more like… an expanding emptiness, for lack of a better category.

The small container feels heavy when he picks it up. Does he dump it into the waste disposal unit? Does he hand it over to the cleanbots?

What little strength he has left leaves him without warning and he sinks to his knees. It’s only a matter of time before Snoke finds out about that hidden corner in his mind. He has come close before, but he has touched it today. Hux has felt it. Most of the memories in there cannot be used to harm anyone but him because they concern nobody who is still alive. Only…

_A wide, generous mouth with lips he can’t stay away from, lips that part so willingly under his. Soft, luscious, dark curls. He can bury his hands to the wrists in that mass of hair. Hard muscle under warm, smooth skin. Strong hands that dig into his shoulders._

Hux comes to lie on the floor and curls himself around the small stump. His eyes sting and he squeezes them shut. He doesn’t remember how to cry. He’s stopped crying a long, long time ago. And yet, his body starts to shake with dry, convulsive sobs.

 

Then he is no longer alone. A warm body presses close and moulds itself to his frame. He feels the steady beat of a heart against his back, a broad chest that rises and falls with deep, regular breaths.

He turns around and meets Kylo’s eyes. His dark, dark eyes. But the iris is not unicolour. There’s a ring of dark brown around the pupil, but the outer ring has a golden undertone and there’s black flecks in it. The freckles that dust the bridge of his nose are pale but the moles sprinkling his face are much darker. And his hair… it’s a rich, dark brown that appears black but it isn’t. It’s called sable. Hux has looked it up.

“I’m sorry about your little tree,” Kylo whispers. “I wish I could have seen it in bloom.”

And Hux remembers how to cry after all.

 

Behind them, a piece of burnt bark falls off. There’s a tiny patch of soft brown underneath it.


End file.
